You Only Get It If....

You know how sometimes you'll talk about something to someone trying to explain some shiz and they don't get it because they haven't ever experienced it? Yeah, something like that on here.

Thursday, October 10, 2013

You have Sjogren's Syndrome

Venus Williams has Sjogren's Syndrome. She's an athlete. I have Sjogren's Syndrome. I'm pitiful.

Recently, I have been feeling very socially awkward. Especially in my speech. I am having more difficulty forming sentences and moving the left side of my mouth to pronounce words. My dry mouth has been more prominent than usual. I have found myself afraid that this will be permanent.

I've already seen a decline in my fine motor skills. What I know other's perceive as just being clumsy, I know is Sjogren's messing with my muscles.

Sometime that's a relief to me. To have something like that (that I know isn't normal) and have an explanation for it. I also feel like people are seeing my SS as an excuse. I have a hard time talking to people about my disease. I either feel like an info-mercial or a PSA. I don't like feeling like either of those. I don't think that anyone in my immediate circle cares about what it is or what my symptoms are.

One of the side effects of taking Plaquinil is vision problems, such as blindness. I have noticed in my left eye, there are dark shades and it tends to get tired more quickly than the right. Plaquinil is used to treat malaria, but they give it to patients with auto immune disorders to help alleviate some of the symptoms (such as dryness and muscle erosion and joint damage.)

I also have a hard time getting up from a sitting position. My hips hurt all the time. ALL THE TIME. I have awakened from sleep to flip sides as if I were a HUGE seal trying to turn on sand. {There wouldn't be that thin layer of water to help the seal turn, so instead it would have to flop in small angles to switch sides on which he was previously resting.) At this very point in time, I must give a million praises to my husband. I need to give up to him as much praise as there are stars in the sky; as much mystery there is left in the furthest reaches of the ocean; as much praise as a woman can give a man for being a man. He has never complained about needing to jump out of bed to get one of the kids. Not a single time. I'm not sure if he understands that I just physically canNOT get out of bed as fast as he can or what. I don't care; I appreciate him so much and for so many reasons. I would, with no hesitation, get up to comfort my child even if I had not slept in days! I just physically cannot get my body to respond as fast as his can. {Which in all honesty, I do get jealous of. I get jealous of a lot of people for not having Sjogren's EVEN THOUGH I would never wish this disease on any one.}

I walk with a limp sometimes. When my hip hurts bad enough.

I want people to know that I have Sjogren's because sometimes, for me, getting up out of my chair under two minutes is a win for me. Sometimes, going down stairs terrifies the shit out of me, and yet I do it almost every other day! I also want them to know so they know that my speech isn't shitty and I do know what I'm talking about I just need a few minutes to think about it.

I want to just wear a sign or something that says: I have Sjogren's. That's why I am a complete mess.

I don't actually want to tell anyone about it, because it's depressing. I will succumb to this disease and it may be sooner that what I expected. I don't want to depress people. I just want a bit of praise when I don't fall walking down stairs.  Things everyone expects praise for, right?

Thursday, May 30, 2013

If you've ever been a teenage girl.

We've all at some point been a teenage girl. I was a teenage girl for like, pfft, two weeks and was like over it. No big, bro.

Okay, so maybe only some of you have been teenage girl. I really just want to rip on some music lyrics.  I think I'm going to take back my feminist approach on this blog post and go ahead and say:

You only get it if you've ever been a teenager.  Because, lawd knows, that being a teenager is confusing enough and most teenagers use music to feel things that matter.

We have no idea what's going on.

Selena Gomez : Come and Get it

Now, I like Selene Gomez. I think she can sing very well.
I think her lyrics are stupid as $#17.
She's very pretty. {Look at that, compliment sandwich.}

The song that I've been playing for a while now is 'Come and Get it.' Now, she's legal to start with. So, this edgier sexier song isn't pedo-licious. It's just dumb.

Selena is leaving an open invitation to a suitor to 'come and get it.' Which seems pretty provocative and yet not. Since she's basically just waiting for the dude to make the first move and that she theoretically won't say no. It tries so hard to be coquettish and it's just never going to happen that way. I think we (society) still like to think of ladies as demure and passive. I think that's what Selena is trying to say in this song. But, honestly, it don't make no got dang sense:

All day all night I’ll be waitin’ standby 
{Stand by mode; when your PC takes a nap}
Can’t stop because I love it, hate the way I love you 
{makes no got dang sense}
All day all night maybe I’m addicted for life, no lie. 
{addicted to life, but on stand by}
I’m not too shy to show I love you, I got no regrets. 
{she's not shy; just in stand by mode - there's a difference!}
I love you much to, much to hide you, this love ain’t finished yet. This love ain’t finished yet… {This love hasn't even started, so I guess technically it can't be finished?}
So baby whenever you’re ready… {See? no got dang sense! She's actively not doing a damn thing to get you to do something?}

B*tch all be trying to get my man!

I can understand that fine line of wanting to get your crush's attention but not wanting to look like you're trying to get his attention. I remember the girl in high school who used to wear the low cut shirts and just sit around and pout all day. It was like fishing for her. She'd set out the bait and LITERALLY anything that bit she would reel in and take. This was the most bizarre thing that I'd ever see and it almost is like a weird talent to be able to aggressively not get a dude's attention and get their damn attention.

Why these lyrics suck if you're a teenage dude:
This is why young men walk around with 'swag.' They think that young ladies will just be ready for them whenever *they* are ready. Teenage boys already think that they are invincible and music like this would seem to give them the idea that REJECTION DOESN'T EXSIST. If a girl shows interest in you once and you let her stew on it a bit, she'll be all cray cray for the "D" at all times. Now, teenage boys (henceforth referred to as 'Dudes') aren't trying to get all up in the love bid'ness. They don't see the emotional attachment that comes with 'being in love with a teenage girl.' So this first set of lyrics don't sound too bad.

It gets worse as it goes on:

You got the kind of love that I want, let me get that. 
{'let me' means that the man has to allow her to get it; passive position}
And baby once I get it I’m yours no take backs. 
{She's now made herself a possession and not a person - sweet}
I’m gon’ love you for life I ain’t leaving your side 
{That's only really sad; her whole life is going to be stuck to this dude [Honey-boo-boo breedin, I believe]}
Even if you knock it ain’t no way to stop it 
{So, the dude doesn't even have a choice; if he gives in to his desires he will be stuck with her [dang, I already made a honey boo boo reference]}
Forever you’re mine baby I’m addicted no lie, no lie 
{Now, the dude isn't even a dude! He's a substance to be used!}
I’m not too shy to show I love you, I got no regrets. 
{Gentlemen, now is the appropriate time to run}
So baby whenever you’re ready….. {to ruin your life}

I think teenage girls think that you have to find the 'one' as soon as possible and there is a very small window of opportunity to do that. Now, this might be true for some girls. Particularly the ones that THE ONLY THING GOING FOR THEM IS THEIR LOOKS, the ones that only talk about themselves and have absolutely no substance at all.  This is also true for the ones that never want to work a day in their lives and strictly use the money that their resentful teenage husbands give them for allowance. Then yeah you may want to go ahead and just ruin your life. OR you could develop a personality. I kid! I kid! I know that's too much work for your pretty little heads! {If you don't have goals in life, I'm not going to pretend to have them for you. Just bein' honest.}

Okay, last lyric I want to talk about:

This love will be the death of me, but I know I’ll die happily
I’ll know I’ll know I’ll know
Because you love me so…Yeah!

This is just the crazy cherry bomb on top of this stupid flavored sundae. If you are in love and you feel like that love is going to kill you THAT IS BAD. THAT IS ALWAYS BAD. This is bad if you're a young lady or a young gentlemen. You should NEVER be satisfied with a relationship that ends in your death. 


You've followed the story of these lyrics - the two involved are not even in a relationship. She's just hanging it out there and hoping he picks it up. Yet, she knows that she will die happy and her death is caused by being in the relationship. {I mean, WTF.} She knows. She knows. She knows. Because their mutual lack of action is such an immense show of love.