You Only Get It If....

You know how sometimes you'll talk about something to someone trying to explain some shiz and they don't get it because they haven't ever experienced it? Yeah, something like that on here.

Friday, January 13, 2012

...You've made up your mind.

It's a really random thing nowadays for a person to make a conscience decision. To me it feels like everyone finds a certain amount of comfort in having 'an out.' It seems like people love to have an excuse in their back pocket, like a hankerchief. Something handy to wipe up a faux pas. -Well, I can't make a decision like that I'm just a leasing agent. You'll have to talk to my manager who is not in the office right now. What's a good contact number for you so I can send her an e-mail explaining all the things that you just told me.- {Gross.}  So, yeah. This is the sick sad part of this new social norm that even the littlest of decision is such a big freakin' deal and have such high importance. For instance, I decided today that no matter what happened I would do things with a smile today. (But only at work.) {This < this<<< is what I felt so freaking cocky about all damn day.}{Double gross.}

That's why making a decision is such an achievement because you've made a solemn vow to yourself. There is a higher level of authority on the idea. It's become a novelty and a great conversation starter. {You know, today I told myself I was going to smile *Collective Gasp*} When you take a stance on something there will always be something/one/duh that is going to attack it and try to bring it down. It's a more sophisticated kinda way to get attention.

So, like everything, every dropped call, every mind splitting headache, every snarky freakin' remarks I had this stupid grin on my face. I felt so 'professional' and cool and shiz. If there was a goddess of business etiquette, she would have smiled down upon me and wished me a long life. I would have gotten at least two thumbs up from a god (2/8). I was amazing...on the outside. Bleh. I'm not at all about hiding my emotions. I felt so fake. Yucky. I don't like myself at this moment and yet, ^ I was all braggin' about being blessed by a goddess. Gross right? I have no idea what that is or how to define expect for a nasty earwaxy texture bitter flavor in my mouth. Eck. Oh, just now. I am proud of myself for being out of my comfort zone twice. Focusing now though, today was a particularly annoying day because everyone around me made 'smiling' a very difficult thing to do. Why would people attack someone who just wants to smile. The only person I was trying to prove anything to was me because I was thinking 'Jesus, Jamie, you are one sarcastic and bit*hy outcast.' Secondly, the only person I told was the Universe and we pinky promised we would tell no one ever.

I am now going to pull what is called an 'unreliable source' which gives me an out. I have had a few to drink and I have become angry and sadish radish. <Meant to make you say it a few times. So I might be remembering or over-reacting right now. So, I myself have no freakin' clue. So now all interpretations of what you have made before seem moot. {Honestly, who do I need to sell my genius to?}{That's not my husband.}{Because we share the same bank account.} Which might be why I'm being so critical on myself. Maybe I just want to be myself in front of people instead of that 'whitebread halfie' that I put on every morning. Le sigh. Eh, whatevs. I didn't I win today, but I really can't expect to win them all. {Oh, look! I've made up my mind.}

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