...If You're A Parent.

A while back Logan bought me a baby monitor so I could guilt free leaving my sleeping child in my apartment and travel down to his apartment to use interwebs. Unfortunately, it now seems like the worst best idea ever. {As opposed to the 'best worst idea ever' which would not have made sense right there. Hm. Ponder that.} The baby monitor was actually his idea too; at first, I was completely on board. I would be able to leave the hum-drum-suffocating-nothing of my house and travel down to be on facebook for an hour while listening to the serene slumberings of my small s'child. However, that is not how it was. Have you ever heard a baby monitor? You know those scenes from like mockumentaries? YEAH LIKE THAT. It's a dry static sound that seeps into your bones and races ice cubes down your spine. Yeah. Yeah. I went there. There is no feng shui place to put a baby monitor to attempt to appease the spirits of static; it has two volume settings: squealing or screeching.  Anyway, around Giftmas time Logan-honey bought me the baby monitor and we used it for the first time and it went a little something like-ah dis:

<Open Scene: Lights are dim, a movie is playing, JAMIE and LOGAN are at the couch ferociously eating popcorn, baby monitor has a dull buzzing uninterrupted and loud, over-powering the movie, some would argue, sound>

JAMIE: (Anxiously) .... (Stares at Baby monitor)

LOGAN: (paying no notice to anything about him)

JAMIE: (fidgets and actually pays attention to the movie for about 14.5 seconds and then messes with the baby monitor) Are you sure it's on the right channel?

LOGAN: (Without taking eyes off movie) Yeah, it makes this absolutely terrible sound if it's on the wrong channel.

JAMIE: (sets baby monitor down, munches popcorn, feels incredibly guilty) (and sighs)

LOGAN: (drinks half a can of Root Beer and loudly) Ahh.

JAMIE: (calmly, eerily calmly) I, mean, I can't even hear him coughing. He hasn't made a sound, in like, thirty minutes.

LOGAN: (Oh, look, interest piqued) Yeah, he's sleeping. (Pondering: Surely, she's not that insane.)

JAMIE: Is he sleeping? *Is* he sleeping, Logan? I JUST NEED TO KNOW IF I'M LISTENING TO A BABY MONITOR OR A CORPSE MONITOR. (Eyes mist)

LOGAN: (In that voice that everyone has heard when Logan has to do something) I'll go check on him. 

(Thinking: My gawd, she is that crazy.)

<LOGAN goes upstairs, JAMIE sees the cool stuff in the movie>

</Scene>